The superfluous meanderings of an indecisive twit.

Oooh... I wants it! I waaaaaaaaants it!

Thu, 24 May 2007 22:13:49 GMT

This shirt is the cutest thing I've ever seen & I simply must have it!

In other, more important news, we found a house!!! I've been a tad busy, you know, packing up 10 years of SHIT to get ready to go. 4 bedrooms, an office for Bri, a fenced in backyard & sidewalks for the munchkins ...YAAY!!! I will sure miss my friends, but this is a good thing for our family. More when we get there.

XOXO

I am a total retard.

Wed, 09 May 2007 01:47:07 GMT

After tonight's episode of 'Gilmore Girls', during the teaser for next week's episode, they announced that it would be the SERIES FINALE. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?

I cried like a baby.... & I'm tearing up now just typing about it.

I think I need to sit down for a second.

Mon, 07 May 2007 15:54:14 GMT

Hey y'all!

So, last Friday morning, I had a playdate set up with another one of ex-husband's sisters. She has a little girl who is 3 months older than Braeden. We were all set to go & I put the baby gate down that blocks off foyer which leads to the stairs that go to the second level. At the bottom of the steps, right by the front door, is a little shelf with which we stack our shoes, so they don't just lay by the door in a huge, stinky pile. As soon as you take the baby gate down, Braeden thinks he immediately has to be wherever he's been closed off from, so he goes straight to the steps & plopped himself on the bottom step. No big, he was just sitting there, so I thought 'meh, he'll be fine there for 10 FREAKIN SECONDS'....so I turned around to grab the diaper bag & as soon as I turned back around, he had kinda flung himself off the step & caught the corner of that little shoe shelf with the his cheekbone. Well, it was juuust hard enough to lay his cheek open & he was bleeding like crazy. I snatched him up & ran to the kitchen, grabbed a towel & put pressure on it for a few minutes, then took a look at the damage. It was wide open. There was a flap. He'd DEFINITELY need stitches. I called Brian to come home as quickly as possible (he works like, 5 minutes away) & he did, & we took him to the pediatrician's office. They cleaned it up really well & determined he would indeed need stitches. 4 of them, in fact. He really did great considering, though the whole getting held down by 3 people & being sewed up pissed him off muchly. Go figure. Here's my baby's sweet boo-boo face:

As you can see, he is partaking in some extreme cuppycake deliciousness. Please notice that the bandages used to protect it for the first 24 hours or so seemed to do just as much damage as the cut itself. Poor guy! Needless to say, we did not make our playdate!

We're moving. I mean, packing up all our shit & moving away to Lexington, KY. It all came about SO suddenly & I won't go into details on why the whirlwind decision, but it's definitely happening & quite frankly I'm freaking the hell out a little. Nashville has been my home for 20 years & I am emotionally attatched. I can't really say ALL my friends are here, because they really aren't, but I will miss the ones that are here like crazy & I will miss just being here. On the other hand, as much as I will miss everything, I am SOOOOO excited about the thought of living in an actual house near famliy. The place we're in now is a townhome & we have no family around us anywhere (well, my sis-in-law & brother-in-law are about an hour or so away, but we see them very rarely.) We have no yard to speak of & I could throw a rock at Old Hickory Blvd. which is crazy busy & hella scary. I simply cannot wait to have a yard for my kids to play in & a nice, safe neighborhood with lots of kids to play with & sidewalks to skate & ride their bikes on. But the thought of packing all this CRAP just makes me physically ill. Oooh & let's not forget my mother....she's none too thrilled lemme tell ya. But of course not in an outright pissed-off way. She's playing the passive aggressiveness card on me complete with the supershort answers to everything I ask & 'it doesn't really matter what I think', now does it?' Wheeee. Thing is, I don't think she's actually mad at me, she just thinks we should be moving down to Orlando, which is never going to happen, she's disappointed & this is the only way she knows to react. I love my mommy & I hope she quits pouting & realizes that we have to live OUR lives & do what we need to do for US...but I hope she does it soon, because it's sort of killing my buzz.

Alright, I have to start packing some shit away! YAAAAAAAY! Peace!

And then she crawled out from under that rock from which she'd been hiding.

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 15:05:39 GMT

Hi y'all! I know, it's been eons... how the hell are ya?

Me? Lemme see, last time I wrote to this thing (OMG a whole 14-months ago...I am soooo lame) I was pregnant, & now I'm not. YAAAY! Still pretty fat though. I am SO disorganized that I can hardly keep up with anything here at the house, let alone get on the computer for more than a few minutes to update this thing. It takes me FOREVER just to return e-mails. Anyway, here's the new boy...

He's pretty awesome. His name's Braeden & it's hard to imagine we even had a little family without him in it. Z is the best big brother there ever was & is so good with him. I hope they continue getting along as well as the do now. A girl can dream.

I've taken up knitting & LOVE IT. My mother-in-law taught me over Thanksgiving. When I'm sittin', I'm knittin'! Z's starting soccer this weekend. He's not one for structure or work of any kind, so... we'll see if he likes it or not. I don't know if I can handle being a 'soccer mom'. Lessee....the earth still revolves around the sun, but OMG! The polar ice caps are melting or something! And that's about all that's been going on here. I just wanted to try to get back into this. I hope everyone is happy & well. KISSES!!!

I also stole this from noirbettie

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 22:45:43 GMT

1. My username is indecisive_twit because I feel it describes me perfectly.
2. My journal is titled The superfluous meanderings of an indecisive twit because I tend to ramble on about absolutely meaningless garbage & feel that it is all very important.
3. My subtitle is non-existent.
4. My friends page is called HANDS UP WHO LIKES ME!! because it is one of my favorite lines from a fabulous British comedy show called 'The Young Ones' spoken by my favorite character on the show, Rick, played by Ric Mayall. Being his insecure self, they were all sitting around the table & he just hollered that out & raised both his hands, & the other guys threw their hands down toward the ground. It was awesome.
5. My default userpic is Mr. Hankey hopping around smearing poo on his little catch phrase because it's Christmas & I'm feeling festive. ;oP

My sweet, toothless boy & baby name drama bullshit.

Tue, 13 Dec 2005 04:19:09 GMT

My big boy lost his first tooth today! Here he is in all his incredible adorableness.

He's so excited about it. He can't wait to get to school in the morning & show it off to all his friends (even though most of them have already lost some of theirs, but he could care less!) He keeps looking at himself in the mirror & going "I JUST LOVE IT! I'm SO excited my tooth is gone!" Cutest. Thing. Ever. Of course in my crazy-insane hormonal state I got all weepy when it happened. I'm just a mess.

Still nursing a sinus infection...NO FUN. This gas heat is KILLING ME. My sinuses AND my skin. YUCK.

Tomorrow's appointment will consist of getting checked again (woo hoo) & (please Lord) hopefully discussing baby eviction. That would rock SO HARD. I would love to have him on my girlfriend Carie's birthday, which is Friday, but I don't think he'd induce that early. I am praying for the full moon thing to go in my favor (full moon is Thursday, but anytime around there would make me so happy!)

For those of you who didn't catch my stupid post in Testing, I have this friend, who had a tubal pregnancy when we were both around 7 weeks along that almost killed her. She has 2 little girls under 4 & says she's just fine with the 2 of them & absolutely insists that she is NEVER having ANY more children EVER again & has been very adamant about it every day since she got home from the hospital. I completely understand that everyone is entitled to change their minds, but I mentioned the other day that Brian mentioned the name Aidan which is a name she mentioned to me when she found out she was pregnant. I went on to say this is what he wants to name the baby, he came up with it (which has been like pulling teeth, getting him to contribute, I mean) & I like it too so I'm not disagreeing with him. Well, she says that she's claimed the name Aidan for the child that she lost (note: she did not know what the sex was, she had just found out she was pregnant like, 2 weeks before it happened) as well as any future children they may or may not ever have that may or very well may not be a boy. Now she is all in tizzy & I'm sorry that she is, but I have gotten to the point where I feel this whole thing is rediculous & just want to name the baby whatever the hell I feel like naming him, drama free. So, we've decided that Aidan is one of our favorites in a very short list of names that we love & what we're going to do is wait until he comes out, hang out with him a bit & decide what we think he needs to be called. If it happens to be Aidan that that's what he's going to be named & my friend will just have to deal. If she doesn't deal, I will miss her, but I will not regret naming our child what we want to name him. If she wants to name whatever child she may or may not have in the future, Aidan, then by all means I want her to do so!

I am going to bed now as I can barely keep my eyes open! Nighty night!

Good friends moving away, 36 week checkup, moviegoing, etc...

Wed, 07 Dec 2005 03:58:13 GMT

So, one of my very best friends, Kara (my ex-sister-in-law) & her family moved away, way far away, to Virginia (10 hours from here) just last Thursday. Her husband got a kick-ass position within the company he works & they just up & shipped them the fuck out. Z & I have been very sad about it. I miss them terribly. I had finally gotten to the point where I could think & talk about it & not burst instantly into tears & she called me today & it made me sad all over again. It's WEIRD them not being here. That's all I have to say about that. *sniff*

Today was my 36-week checkup. I am officially at term, which just means the baby is pretty much as developed as he's going to get & he is just fattening up at this point. I could safely have him at any time & he wouldn't be considered premature. BUT....there's always a big but....having been checked today, there has been no progress toward him coming ANY TIME SOON. I have been having CRAZY braxton hicks contractions for weeks now, so strong at times they take my breath clean away, & NOTHING has come from them. I have to say that I was a little disheartened, but it also just made me realize I need to be resting & napping & whatnot while I can in preparation for this little guy. He's so very wearing me out. Hopefully, at my appointment next week (I'm down to weekly appointments now....YAY!) he'll have moved down some I'll have dialated some & we can start talking induction date...W00T! The doc doesn't want to be delivering me at Christmas time & quite frankly neither do I. Say a prayer....if you're into that sort of thing. Think: Progression....PROGRESSION.

My next-door-neighbor/ good friend Cindy & I went to FINALLY see the new Harry Potter flick this evening. It was pretty intense & very entertaining....but I feel like it was so anticlimactic. I realize they did that to leave doors open for the next film but I don't know....I just can't describe it. AND & I feel like a dirty old woman. You know those scenes on television & in the movies where the person is in the fetal position in the shower scrubbing & crying because they feel unclean? Yeah, that's me. I kept catching myself going "Oooooo!" & "Ooooh my!" Somebody please slap me!

I've been up since 3:45 AM. I'm going to go crash now. Kisses y'all.

Update...right!

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 12:12:24 GMT

Ok, so we all know how badly I suck at updating this thing....so very sorry....I suck big time.....yadda, yadda, yadda.

Well, I'm officially house-sized. And I have a little over a month to go! Actually, I've only gained 26 pounds this time around, of which I'm very proud (& my doc seems to be too!) That's literally half what I gained with Z y'all....HALF!!! Everyone keeps telling me how good I look, everyone except people who DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW ME, that is. They all seem to FREAK OUT (complete with gaping mouth & gasps of disbelief) when I tell them how far along I am & think it's perfectly OK to tell a raging-hormonal pregnant stranger how ENORMOUS they think she is & that she HAS to have TWINS in there OH MY GOD!!!

As far as things around the house, I did talk to the hubby & things have gotten better. It's basically him stressing the hell out at work & bringing it all home with him. I get that He's been working 15 hour days, 7 days a week & he's exhausted. And the shit at the office is hitting the fan today. He's printed up the numbers & is letting loserboy know that this is his last chance to do what he needs to do & actually EARN the salary he makes or he'll need to fire someone (someone NOT one of the boys actually MAKING the company money!) & hire someone productive. It must be really nice to sit around & on your ass & play computer games all day & get a big fat check for it every 2 weeks, while your partner works himself literally sick to pay the bills & keep the business going. That fucker.

My bestest girlfriends of about 20 years (damn I'm old) threw a shower for me this past weekend & I got all kinds of awesome sheeit. I also got a bunch of crap I really didn't need, took it back & got TONS of schtuff I did need! It rocked so hard. I have rearranged Z's room & set up the crib in there so that's done. I set up the pack 'n' play (kind of a playpen if you will, for those of you NOT in the know) in my room next to my bed. Mine has a bassinet/changing table feature so he'll be right next to me at first. Don't know how long that'll last.

Anyway, got that done. Washed all the baby stuff, clothes, blankets & whatnot. Have a bag packed. Car seat ready. All I need is for this little spaz of a kid to come on out. Man is he squirmy. And he also seems to be very upset that he is crammed in such a tiny little space, as he continues to try to make more room, no matter who he's hurting & who's internal organs he's beating the shit out of in the process. The doc says he's also very BIG. Yay. Z was 8 lbs. 14.5 oz. I had him vaginally. It was no walk in the park. I pushed for damn near 3 hours. Doc also says he doesn't think I'll make it to my due date & if it gets closer to that time & he's still not here, he said he'd take him a week or so early, just to get him out a little smaller so I don't have to have a c-section...God, I really don't want to have a c-section! But I'd be his best friend & let him eat chocolate every day if he came early on his own. Fer real.

Umm....what else....I thought 'Serenity' was fabulous! Too bad the rest of the world wasn't savvy to it. But ya know what? WE'LL GET TO OWN THE EFFING THING ON DVD IN ABOUT A MONTH!!! How hard does THAT rock? Man, I'll be watching that thing every day. Thanks Joss. I'd totally have your babies if I weren't already knocked up...and you know, you weren't married &.....I weren't married....& you didn't live all the way across the country. And I don't think I'd like you working so much either. But then the world couldn't bask in your INSANE BRILLIANCE. Oh well, in another life maybe.

Ok, the boy is getting ready to wake up & I need some coffee & Cinnamon Life cereal STAT. Take good care... Kisses!

I'm just so sad.

Fri, 14 Oct 2005 17:56:42 GMT

I'm so big & sore & sad & lonely. I feel like the only person in the world right now who loves me is my kid & half the time, he is just oblivious & unknowingly makes me feel like crap too, but he's 5 for crying out loud. I can't expect him to always pick up on my needy 'please love me' vibes (which he totally does & will lean over & yell out "YOU NEED SOME SUGAR!" & kiss me for no reason...God bless him.) My husband on the other hand, really doesn't want to have anything at all to do with me, or this baby it seems. Whether it be just talking to me or any kind of physical interaction. I don't blame him on the latter though, I look like a hippo. I wouldn't be attracted to me either, but an occasional hug or kiss would be nice... or just say "I love you" (because you do, not because I said it first & you feel you have to ) ...OR just sit & hold my hand & watch television with me, you don't even have to speak. If I ask him for any of this, I'm nagging. If I whine or cry or complain, I'm crazy & hormonal. I have always been one who NEEDS reassurance that I AM loved. I'm NEEDY. It's always been that way. He knows this. Now is NO DIFFERENT.

Then there's the issue of the baby. At the beginning, I guess I understood his disinterest, I looked exactly the same so I thought 'well, it's not really hit him, I'll be showing soon enough & the he'll get to feel the baby move & be more excited & into it.' Boy was I wrong. Numerous times I've asked him if he wants to feel the baby moving, when he's doing his hourly Cirque du Soleil show (I just picture him spinning around in there on the umbilical cord...tee hee) & his response is "No, it's just creepy." CREEPY? Wow, um, you really could've used a nicer word than that I think. I hate (HATE HATE HATE) saying this, but as much as I want this baby, & as much as I love him already & can't wait to meet him, he's wearing me out physically & seems to be putting a horrible strain on our marriage. I just had no idea & certainly wasn't prepared for it & I hope things change when he arrives. I sincerely feel like B would be so relieved if the whole thing had never happened, which makes me so sad I want to vomit. I understand he's under alot of stress. We found out (AFTER it happened of course) that we needed a maternity rider in place on our crappy-ass insurance agreement waaay before we got pregnant... which we DO NOT have & was not told we needed. Having had insurance provided for us through our jobs, this is the first coverage we've actually had to go out on our own & find & pay for. We were ignorant, but NOW we know! ANYWAY, we're having to pay for this entire pregnancy out of pocket & will be for a while. When this was discovered, I freaked the hell out & cried & stressed & stressed & cried....& he was all laid back & "Don't worry baby, it's just another bill. We'll be fine....BLAH BLAH BLAH." But THAT was all a bunch of bullshit & now it seems he's decided to get all stressed about it. And I understand he's got alot going on at work, too. His partner could give 2 shits that his name is associated with the crappy work he does, & is could also care less that he's dragging my husband's name down with him. But hey, he's had plenty of opportunities to leave his sorry ass sitting in the nice comfy pile of shit he's created for himself & has chosen to do nothing about it. I describe it as being stuck in a comfortable rut he doesn't want to get out of. He's fine coming home angry every day & bitching about his no-account partner who doesn't pull his share. Just because he's a business owner & is his own boss. ANYWAY, I've asked him NUMEROUS times to PLEASE let me do something (ANYHING) to help him out & his response is always "There's really nothing you can do." I don't know what else to do. Other than get a job. Which I don't think is doable right now, so.......

And I PHYSICALLY hurt. And the bigger this baby gets, the more I hurt, from my ribs down. Bones & tendons & ligaments & muscles. Sometimes it's excruciating. They all feel broken & torn. I feel like I've been riding a horse for DAYS. I remember LOVING being pregnant with Z. I loved every move he made & was actually a little sad, when he was finally here, that I couldn't feel him moving around inside anymore. I missed it. This time around is so different. Although it's a relief to feel him move, knowing he's still alive & growing stronger, I'll catch myself telling him to be still, that he's wearing me out & to please stop hurting me. And he always seems to put on his biggest show after I eat. I mean he goes NUTS. Which shakes around what I've just eaten & nauseates me. He's picked a place right below my ribs to kick REALLY hard & REPEATEDLY, so now I feel as if there's a bruise there. I mean, when I touch it from the OUTSIDE, it hurts.

Alright, I am sorry this went on so long, & I'm sorry it was just a bitchy, whiny bunch of shit. I really don't like to my put my friends on the spot over the phone & I feel like I can't talk to my husband about this, so I didn't know what else to do but write it all down. I do feel a little better. Bless you if you stuck with the entire thing. I need to go eat some lunch.

Sniff .....Happy Birthday John....

Sun, 09 Oct 2005 18:29:16 GMT

You'll always be this young & beautiful...

You've brought so much happiness to my life. God bless you.

Happy Birfday to me!

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 22:44:35 GMT

I just realized it's been a fucking MONTH since I've updated this thing. I'm a bad, baaad blogger. Spank me.

We had such a great time at Dragon*Con. It was VERY memorable. Joss, Summer AND Nathan all dumped us, but it was still great. We met Mercedes McNab on Friday morning & then got to hang out with her Friday night. It was weird how it all came about. We were people watching Friday morning by the escalators, drinking our lattes, & we saw her walking around like a lost puppy, literally lost. We knew she was probably on her way to the walk of fame (where all the pretty people sit in a bunch of rows for hours & hours to sign autographs & take pictures with fans) as she was lugging a BIG ol' box of her glossies with an iced latte wobbling around on top. We watched her wander around for a second, then go down the stairs & then come back up the escalator so we ran to her rescue. We were all "are you trying to find the walk of fame?" & she was all "YES! AAARGH!" so we cleared a path like a couple of bouncers & got her down there. She was very greatful. Later that evening, we went to this sportsbar to get a bite & sit down for a bit. Well, we stopped off at the bathroom first & who walks in but Ms. McNab. She's "a little tipsy" [wink] & is all "MY BEST FRIENDS!!! YOU SAVED MY LIFE!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! LET ME BUY YOU DRINKS!!!" We were like, 'you really don't have to, we just saw you were lost & wanted to help you.' She insisted, so we went & sat with her, Froggy (her keeper) & another guy (who I think was someone else's keeper there that weekend.) I'm not going to get into the details, but there were MANY shots had by everyone except me, karaoke (both great & not so great), dancing & then carrying of people to their hotel rooms. It was INSANE...but fun! The rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful but LOADS of fun. There are some pictures posted on our website... www.gallutia.com.

I can't believe only 3 more days until 'SERENITY' opens! I can't freakin' stand it!!!

I'm getting SOOO big! I only have 12 weeks & some change to go. It's gone by so fast.

I've been such a bad friend, not getting online & chatting with those I love. Gus, I'm sorry I missed out on all your goings on. Congrats on your new job! We really need to catch up! I miss you so much.

I have been informed by 2 of my loved ones within the past month that they have breast cancer. Fucking cancer. I wish I could punch cancer. I would beat the shit out of it if I could & kick it in it's nuts.

Well I have to go start dinner & stuff. Hope everyone is well!

KISSES!

Holy. Shit.

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 02:18:44 GMT

So, my internet's been going in & out all evening. I start freaking out because I've been watching this book on ebay for my husband for about 4 days now, a signed ('COME GET SOME!' How effin' cool is that?) mint copy of Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way, by who else but the absolutely delicious Bruce Campbell. So I'm getting all nervous right, because I don't want to miss my chance to get this for him. My husband comes upstairs & I'm all "is the internet going to be doing this shit all night? Because I'm watching something very special for you on ebay that's ending in like, an hour!" He's all "what is it?" And I tell him what it is. He then says, & very nonchalantly I might add (GET THIS SHIT) "why would you do that when HE'S GOING TO BE AT BARNES & NOBLE TOMORROW AT FIVE O'CLOCK." Umm.....wtf did you just say? I was like "I KNOW you did not just say that Bruce effing Campbell is going to be at the B&N, right up the street, signing books tomorrow at 5 o'clock." And he was like "Yup."

So.....GUESS WHO I GET TO MEET TOMORROW AT 5 O'FREAKIN' CLOCK!?! AAAAAACK! I of course called Stacey immediately & she was all excited too, so I'm relieved that I won't be going alone.

I simply can't stand it...& I won't be sleeping well tonight either. I promise I'll be chill & be all quiet & shy when it comes time to meet him. I freeze up when I meet famous people, not sure why. I think it's because I'm afraid I'll say something stupid or maybe throw up. But until that time, I'M GOING TOTAL GIGGLY, SQUEEEELY FANGIRL ON YOUR ASSES!!! WHEEEEE!!!

Just in case anyone actually wanted to see...

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 02:59:50 GMT

Here's a picture of my littlest boy...

& here's a picture of my big boy yesterday, getting ready to leave for his first day of kindergarten...

Man that was tough! I lost it walking into the school. I had to stay behind he & B while they walked in so I could get my shit together. I was so proud of him though, he didn't even blink an eye. He just marched right in there, said good morning to his teacher & hugged her, sat in his seat & started visiting with the new friends around him. I cried alot after I left him, but I was pretty proud of myself for at least waiting 'til I kissed him goodbye & turned around to leave. I did turn back around once to see this & took a quick picture...

He just dove right in. His teacher is really nice & he's going to have lots of fun. My big boy.

I'm so tired, I have to go to bed. Gotta get up early, get the boy off to school, clean my house up, run back to school to pick up my boy, then go the funeral of an ex-boyfriend's younger brother. That's going to SUCK. I mean REALLY.

Kisses babies.

Just wanted to let ya'll know....

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 02:38:49 GMT

I'm just so happy! Boys are just AWESOME! I already have all the boy shit & I can't wait to buy bunk beds! I think alot of people were all disappointed for me, thinking I had my heart set on a girl or something, but quite honestly, I secretly prayed for another boy.

Well, I'm going to bed! I'm exhausted after long afternoon of running all over the place, being all giddy, dr's appointments & being on the phone non-stop.

Kisses!!

Fun with clippers.

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 18:50:49 GMT

Loooookie what I did!

Z loves it, but his dad is going to have cats! I think it needs to be narrower, don't you? I wanted him to have one before he started school (in 2 weeks...waaah!) because I'm pretty sure he won't be allowed to have it. I really don't know policy on that sort of thing.

Anyhoo, I just wanted to share. My baby's huuuungry, that, or it's choreographing a routine for STOMP.

So, long time no post. And OF COURSE whining & bitching (not necessarily in that order.)

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 01:58:05 GMT

Hiya! Been a while & I just needed to empty my brain!

First off, we'll (hopefully) be finding out the sex of this baby next Monday! Too exciting! I have no idea (not even a feeling) what this baby might be. So many people have asked me & I just don't even know! What I DO know is that it sure has been moving around alot the past 2 weeks & I'm also getting quite large. Woo hoo. It's harder for me to do things too. Like, bend over to tie my shoes, or paint my toes, stand up, go up stairs...etc... I'd forgotten how much fun pregnancy was! I also get asked what would I like to have, & I know this is totally cliché, but after what we went through with Z, I seriously just want a healthy baby I can hold as soon as it's born & take home from the hospital when I leave. I honestly don't care what it is!

Second, Dragon*Con is exactly 30 days away & we just found out yesterday that Joss has suddenly decided that he knew nothing about being a confirmed, scheduled guest & isn't coming. Bigger & better things to do, I guess. Although we're going to have a fabulous time with or without him there, it's definitely a bummer. I was really looking forward to meeting him.

Thirdly, I'm soooooo..... very sad about QAF ending.
I just got hooked at the end of last season & have watched all of this season & I was in tears last night at the end of the ep. when the announcer dude was all "Well this is it folks. Next week is the last episode...blah blah blah." DAMN IT!!! I mean, I knew it was coming, I guess I've just been in denial. I did this same thing with BtVS, but I guess the cool thing is, I have 3 & a half seasons I haven't watched yet, so ...yay? Oh yeah, I love love love Emmett Honeycutt...had to be said.

My folks & my brother's visit all-in-all was quite pleasant. My mother & I hit an all-time record though, as it only took 2 days (instead of the usual 3) for us to be on each other's last nerve. I just got tired of the damn fits & her talking to me like I'm an effin' child. So when I'd had enough of it, I threw the attitude she was giving me right back at her (instead of taking it like I usually do) & she got all pissed & threw a fit, I ignored it & acted as if I could care less that she was stewing & then we moved on. Sheesh, I feel like I'm in fucking high school again. It just has to stop & I really don't know how to end it, as anything I say will be turned around that it's all my fault or all in my head. The husband simply doesn't understand that this is the way it's always been & I really don't know how it can change without causing some damage as she can hold quite a long grudge. So, I'm kinda stuck, I guess.

ANYWAY, my brother is back in Afghanistan now. It took him a week to get there. I was starting to get kinda worried, but he e-mailed me yesterday & assured me everything was fine & all was like he'd never even left. Isn't that just great? *sigh*

Well, I guess that's enough whining & bitching for now, don't you think? I hope you all are well (those of you who still have my loser ass on your f'list, anyway!)

KISSES!!!

Hey ya'll...I'M IGN'ANT!!!

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 02:47:51 GMT

So here in Brentwood, just south of Nashville, we have this giant, ugly-ass statue of Nathan Bedford Forrest on the side of I-65N. It's been there for several years now & I hhhaaaate it. I mean I DESPISE this statue. Whenever I drive by it, I clench my teeth & glare in it's general direction, most times cursing under my breath like Yosemite Sam. My husband brought it up for whatever reason this evening & we got into a big fat arguement. I can't even talk about the statue without getting pissy. Anyway, he feels I am ignorant about this man, & that I have formed an uneducated opinion about him, which I absolutely have NOT. I've read plenty about him, from several different sources, & I simply do not feel that a statues should be erected in this man's honor! Period. Ok, so the man was a great Civil War hero that never lost a battle. Woo. Hoo. The man was ALSO the Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, which granted, was not originally founded as the inconceivably violent organization of despicable monsters it became, but was a group of intolerant, white supremacist hate-mongers all the same & it just makes me want to vomit.

Oh. And my husband's "education" about him consists of listening to the opinions of an ultra-conservative talk radio show host. Niiiice.

I won an AWESOME old Cure concert shirt on ebay the other night for next to nothing & I cannot wait to get it!!! YAAAAY!

OH!!! I'm taking the boy to Tony Hawk's Boom Boom Huck Jam this weekend at the GEC. YAAAAY for cute boys doing crazy shit on skateboards, bikes & motorcycles! WHEEEEE!

Mon, 27 Jun 2005 02:22:18 GMT

I got a phone call a week ago from my father-in-law informing me that my niece’s mother committed suicide, via shooting herself in the stomach. This is the same teen-aged niece that I've talked about before who shared a nasty case of pink eye with my baby a while back. She also has a 7-year-old son she left behind. Damn it.

Never in my life have I ever actually known someone to kill themselves. I mean, I’ve known someone who knew someone, but never anyone I’ve had direct contact with & emotional ties to. It's just all so strange a concept for me. What on earth could be so bad that the best option you can think of is to take your own life & leave 2 babies without a mommy?

I’ve been going through so many different emotions about this. Anger: that she would choose to leave her babies with no mommy. Sadness: that she felt so hopeless & lonely, even with all the people around her who love her & wanted to help her, that she had to do something like this. Extreme sadness: for her babies who now have no mommy. Extreme guilt: that I was just sitting in her floor with her a week before the incidence, trying to get her to talk to me about how she’s been feeling & what’s been going on (she was bi-polar & trying to get her meds straightened out & having a hard time) & she totally lied to me & told me that everything was fine, even when I KNEW that it wasn’t, having already discussed how things had been going with my niece while she was staying with us, apparently trying to get away from the domestic altercations that had grown increasingly worse the past few weeks, sometimes even violent. Sorry for the run-on.

I’ll only briefly touch upon the whole mess of her mother’s family threatening to sue Jordan's father (my husband’s brother) for full custody. See, they divorced years & years ago (like when Jordan was 2 maybe?) & the agreement was joint custody. So, now that her mother is dead, the natural progression of things (you would think) would be for her to go live with her biological father, who loves her & wants her, right? Right. Well, apparently her mother’s family feels that’s not the best thing for her (meaning: that’s not what THEY want) so they’re going to fight over her. It’s the ugliest mess I’ve ever seen & it breaks my heart that she (& my brother & sister-in-law) has to go through it.

It’s been a really weird week.

In other news, I’m getting fat (ter.) Yay. And the baby is doing just fine. Heart's just beating away. We have about 6 more weeks, & then we can find out what the sex is! Everyone is insisting that it's a girl. Lord help us if it is.

I totally accidentally happened upon an effing spoiler about 'Serenity' on the Browncoat board yesterday DAMN IT! I could just spit. GRRRR!

That’s all for now, I suppose. Kisses ya'll.

Hiya!

Wed, 25 May 2005 01:53:00 GMT

The weather has been SO gorgeous here. Tennessee really can be a beautiful place.

I started having some bleeding off & on. Man, that's scary. We miscarried before Zander so I freaked a little. The first round wasn't too bad & didn't last very long, but the second round was REALLY scary, & kinda whooshy, so we went to the doctor & had an ultrasound. We saw the little heartbeat (wheee!) but there was another weird thing going on that the doctor couldn't really put his finger on. His opinion was that it could be one of 3 things: 1.) Miscarriage of a twin 2.) Molar pregnancy or 3.) Placental bleeding. He thought it would be best if we just waited a couple of weeks, take it easy & see how it goes. So today I had my first official Ob appointment & everything seems to be just fine. We got to hear the heartbeat (so cool!) & also had another ultrasound, so we got to see it again. Z & B got to be there too, & Z thought it was really cool. It's grown considerably since 2 weeks ago, as it was the size of a pea, & now it's the size of a peanut, complete with little hands & feet! AMAZING! I'm starting to actually get excited now, & I think that now that B has actually seen it, that there's a little living being in there, he is too.

Stacey got our Dragon*Con passes today! YAAAAAAAY!!! I'm so excited I can hardly stand it!

I'm actually going to finally have this fecking yard sale this weekend. I can't wait to get all these piles of shit from storage out of my floor!

NOOOOO!!!

Wed, 11 May 2005 21:15:25 GMT

The buttheads at HBO, who got me all addicted to their show, decided not to re-up Carnivàle for a third season. This seriously makes me want to cry!!! I was really exicted to see what they were going to do next! I am thankful though, that Showtime is continuing Huff as it ended all crazy-like & am SO ready for more! I've got a while to wait yet.

Stacey ordered our memberships this week for Dragon*Con in September... WHEEEEEE!!! We get to meet Joss & the Serenity cast!!! We got to meet Nathan *drool* Jewel & Adam last year & now almost the whole crew will be there!!! OMGIGETTOMEETJOSSFRIGGINWHEDONAAACK!!!!! *faints*

SW:RoTS comes out in a week!!! IIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!! Thing is, my boy is also very excited about seeing it & I'm afraid it's going to be too oogy for him. Any of ya'll know anything at all about the content? I don't know why Lucas would be whoring to children (My GOD have you SEEN all the merchandise?) if they couldn't see the movie, but we all know how evil! he is so.....

Been kinda busy...

Mon, 02 May 2005 02:38:59 GMT

Been trying to get my house in line. Let's see, so far I have:

* Painted (which includes repairing a fist-sized hole in the wall & other cracks & holes....lotsa spackling & sanding! HOORAY FOR DRYWALL DUST! WHEEE!!!) & decorated Zander's bathroom. It's now a really bright, beautiful blue. I'm going to say primary blue. I have decorated it with Spiderman accents.

* Painted & decorated my bathroom. I can't even describe the funky green I chose, but I lurrrve it. I also lurrrrve my new shower curtain & cabinet!

* Painted my nasty old kitchen cabinets white, as I am putting a new floor in my kitchen. They look AWESOME & I cannot wait to get my new floor tiles down!

* Been going through my clothes & just about everything I own in the house & in storage to get ready for a yard sale.

* Watching Seasons 1 AND 2 of Carnivale.....HOLY SHIT!

Oh yeah.....then there's this...

I'm pretty excited & Z is so excited he can hardly stand it. We've named it "squishy" & he constantly kisses & rubs my tummy & says "Hi Squishy!" or "I love my baby." He's going to be an awesome big brother. I'm tired alot & all that other fun crap that goes along with pregnancy.

That's all that's going on here.

I got this from Ace's LJ. It's so very true. And quite delicious!

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 19:01:32 GMT

Heart of Chocolate

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ummm... that was not the good news I was hoping for.

Fri, 01 Apr 2005 18:22:40 GMT

I just found out that a friend of ours from High School who moved away (haven't seen or talked to him in a few years, at least 5) was killed riding his motorcycle on Easter Sunday. He was only 33. Bo was a great guy, voted funniest in our class. VERY sweet, LOTS of fun & the earth is less another one of the "good" ones. You will be missed Quilla. Rest in peace, darlin'.

The Pope is apparently in his last moments now. He has slipped into a coma & is more than likely gone. My father loved the Pope dearly, & when I personally think of the Pope, I think of how happy he made my dad. I remember when we lived in Anchorage & the Pope came up to visit (1981, I think) & held a giant Mass. Daddy was beside himself (I seem to remember tears) & stood with the masses to be blessed. I can't help but picture the two of them hangin' around in heaven together swappin' Polack jokes, which makes me smile. What a strong & resilient man this Pope has been with all he's been through the past 20 years! I pray he passes peacefully. I believe he will.

I gotta get outta here, I think I'll go spend some money at Target.

Schiavo....it's a household name!

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 03:59:51 GMT

Wow. What a fucking mess. These are just some thoughts I wrote down, you know, when you write a letter & don't send it? I guess this is the sort of shit I should just write here, huh?

I am so saddened by this whole situation & I feel so deeply for her parents, as it seems they haven't faith enough in the God they claim to believe in that they wouldn't WANT to let her go & be with him. That they would rather keep her here by artificial means, trapped & restrained inside the body which no longer functions for her & NEVER will. I just can not believe these faithful people (brother what's-his-name, father so-& -so AND her parents) are so afraid for their daughter to pass on! You would think they'd want it for her & be thinking about her & what she would want, instead of themselves.

I am angered & embarrassed by these people, who have nothing better to do with their lives but stand around outside the place where Terri is (as well as others' loved ones are) dying, using up much needed police manpower to fend off crazy attempts of 'sneaking in water & bread'. From what I understand, they are also causing people to honk their horns & cause even more raucous & disruption. I understand that it's their right to do this, but I do not see how these people actually think they are helping the situation & to me it seems only to contribute to the spectacle it has become. I wonder how they would feel if they were sitting next to their mother, sister, or wife's deathbed & heard the obnoxious honking & hollering? I'm simply amazed at how some supposed 'thoughtful' people, don't actually think. And I actually heard today that the family of someone else who was dying inside that same hospice facility, could not get though the protestors & barricades in time to say goodbye to their loved one, which again made me me want to punch something. I don't like that feeling.

While watching 'Hardball' on MSNBC the other night, I sat open-mouthed & in shock, while Pat Buchanan insisted that (& this is not a quote but PRETTY DARN CLOSE) 'Jeb Bush or the President send in Federal Marshals to snatch her up, take her away & reinsert that feeding tube.' I found myself in tears that this has become political circus it has & immediately started praying the Lord show Terri the way home & that her parents be reassured that she WILL BE OK.

(Oh yeah, I also thanked Jesus that Pat Buchanan is not our President.... he is the most rediculous human being I have ever seen.)

More shiny, happy words of shiny happiness...

3 young girls, within a matter of 2 weeks, abducted, raped & killed.

A man here in Tennessee, shoots & kills a man & woman right in front of their 7-year-old little girl, supposedly upset over a property dispute. The shooter then kills himself.

A man in Florida, kills the parents of a 5-year-old girl in their sleep, the gunshots wake up the baby who finds her dead parents in their bed, blood everywhere. She then calls 9-1-1 (She wasn't crying at all, but I was bawling like a baby.) The shooter then kills himself.

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?!

I am in desperate need of some good news. I feel like I've been crying & scared thinking & talking about nothing but death & murders for like, 2 weeks. Thank GOD the past 2 days have been sunny & 70 degrees, & for my awesome kid, or I'd probably be in a corner of my bedroom crying & rocking back & forth in the fetal position.

A funny little story. We were watching SCRUBS last night, & one of those Burger King commercials came on, you know the ones, with the creepy, plastic retro-looking Burger King guy? So, my kid goes "MOM! LOOK! IT'S JESUS!" & immediately starts singing "Jesus loves me this I know....." I of course assured him that the Burger King IS NOT Jesus, while laughing so hard I could hardly breathe. He always puts things in perspective.

I'm going to go wash the funk off of me now. Literally & figuratively. I'm all salty & meloncholy. Then I'm going to go snuggle up with my boy.

Strange days indeed. Most peculiar mama.

Fuck YEAH! Now THAT'S art!

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 06:01:18 GMT

Linkage ----> EEEEK! I [heart] bg_butterfly !!

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